I feel held back from time to time.  My husband talks about when we get old but the bottom line is I dont know if I am going to get old with him.  I want to get tested but I am just not ready.  I dont want to have to focus on KNOWING that I do have it when I have three young babies.  I really need to keep my head in the game and take care of them.  But I dont like those late night talks with my husband that make me wonder will I be there with you when you grow old and will I be there to watch our grand kids grow old?  I do feel held behind that but I know that, that can not hold me back from life.  I will know when I am ready to know just right now its not the time.