I don't dwell on the fact that my family has this disease going on but I do mourn every day.  I suffer from seeing what it is doing.  I miss the way things used to be in my family.  We used to do everything together.  Things have changed because of the increase of depression and abilitie to do certian things.  I feel selfish for wanting things to be normal because I know that my sister and mom have no control over these things and if they did it wouldnt be happening.   I know that someday I will stand alone with out them.  And that scares me.  I sit and think about what it would be like to be alone and to not speed dial my sister when I hear somthing funny or stop by to say hi.  I know that my mom wont be here the day my daughter graduates or moves on to marry someone.  That saddens me because these people are my family the only thing I know.  So yeah I mourn everyday knowing that I wont be seeing them to soon.  I am angry but I am working on that.  I know that, that feeling will not always be there and I will be at peace someday.  So mourning is ok but to dwell is not.  We cant move forward if we are always thinking about today.