The happenings of my life right now are very sweet but also really bitter.  I am working, going to college and raising three kids.  I love my life I dont want anyone to get it wrong or anything.  I love my family and everyone around me.  But right now I am dealing with a storm within myself.  I dont know how to win the war.  And to top things off I am not speaking with my sister.  I know she is dealing with alot.  But I feel as though my feelings are forgotten.  I am in the stands watching this disease compete with my loved ones and ones in the stands are usualy never ask how they feel about it.  I planned a trip to the pool and to the home my family used to live in before my parents divorced.  Just a simple trip with my sister and mom and my kids..  She had apt so I wanted to wait.  Waited for about two hours and then she decided then that she didnt feel up to going.  Ok I have been pretty patiente up to this point I cant any more.  I waited with three cranky kids to hear that she wasnt going.  I would have gone and took my mom but I cant watch my kids and make sure my mom is walking ok all  by myself.  I cant tell if how I feel is obsered or realistic anymore.  I feel mind fucked right now.  I still havent spoken to her and I dont think she will call.  I wish I was talking to her.  I got my job to do a raffle for hotel and food packages over a month and the money will go to her funding to go to China.  I found out last night.  I still have some more things I am going to do but that will come in time.  I am sad.  But that will go un noticed.